Reality Bites...

No, I'm not talking about the movie. I've been in a funk lately. My dad had a dr.'s appt. because he was getting really sick. Long story short...they admitted him to the hospital and he was treated for pneumonia. Well, as many of you know, he has smoked for over 35 years (and DOES NOT go to the dr.). The pneumonia was a blessing in disguise.

They did a chest xray and said that if it looked "suspicious" they would do an MRI. Well, you guessed it. They did the MRI and said if it looked bad, they would do a PET scan. Guess who was the lucky winner of that? Come to find out, he had several "hot spots". One in the upper left lobe of his lung, two in lymph nodes under his breast bone and one one his pelvic bone.

He was released after 5 days and is still on oxygen 24 hours a day. He had an appt. for a biopsy. He was told that he has severe emphysema as well. They said that normally they would go through the bronchial tubes, but his lungs were so deteriorated and full of holes that they could collapse. They ended up doing the biopsy on his hip. The tumor was 2 inches under his skin and into the bone. Not good.

We just found a week ago Monday that he has stage 4 lung cancer. WOW. Now I'm not stupid. I've said for 3 years that he has had it...always coughing, can't mow the yard without almost having a heart attack, BUT I AM surprised that it is stage 4. I was filled with mixed emotions. I have been so sad and heartbroken, but at the same time soooo mad at him. How could he do this to mom, Michelle, and me? How could he do this to his family? Anytime we brought up quitting he got so upset. I always had a nice way of bringing up the "cancer sticks and coffin nails." Then I realized...it's an addiction. He wasn't thinking of us back in his early 20's when this all started. I have friends that can't/don't want to quit and they haven't smoked near as long as he has. Now I'm just so sad. I cry every single day about it. I want my son to know his grandpa. I want him to be around to see him grow up.

Mom and him went to cancer class last Thursday. He got his shunt put in yesterday and had his first round of chemo. today. 6 HOURS OF IT! UGH! I'm just trying to be as supportive and positive as I can. Sometimes I wish I was more like my mom! She told me that the dr.'s said he has 6-24 months, but she is determined that it's all in your attitude and that this ISN'T going to get him. He will go back on weeks 2 and 3 for blood work/mri's and then start the chemo. again on week 1.

I think what is most frustrating is that he has never wanted to quit. But this all happens and he says he hasn't had a single craving. WHAT? My grandpa (his dad) smoked a pipe and cigars for YEARS, had heart trouble, and quit cold turkey. Did seeing that happen make my dad want to quit? No....he just had to go through it for himself. It just makes me so irritated that it took this to do it.

But yet, I'm still thankful for the pneumonia, or else we may never have known and he would have never quit. I was also upset that this all had to happen a month before I'm due, but am now realizing that Tator Tot might just be what this family needs.....